The Advice given by A Parent That Saved Us when I became a New Father

"I believe I was just in survival mode for the first year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the demands of being a father.

However the actual experience quickly turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her main carer as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get some help. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now better used to discussing the stress on mums and about PND, less is said about the struggles dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to communicate among men, who often absorb harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a display of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a respite - going on a short trip overseas, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "terrible choices" when in his youth to modify how he felt, turning in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their stories, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their pain, transformed how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."